the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
