you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize