i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
