I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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