like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
