dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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