I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
