then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
