Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
