Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
