he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize