I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
