I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
