Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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