Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
