Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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