I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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