i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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