I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
