My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
