I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I am midnight drunk by noon
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
