I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize