I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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