Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
