Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
