No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
