i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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