Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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