I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
