whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I could fuck to npr.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
