The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize