Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
