i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
