she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
