So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
