Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
