I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
