and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
