Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize