I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There's always time for handjobs
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
