So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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