Screwed.edu
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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