just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize