Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
