I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
