I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
