Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
