Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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