dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize