he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am one with the molecules
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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