Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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