a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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