Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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