i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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