so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
