I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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