so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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