Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
