Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
