Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
