Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's never too late to be topless.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
