The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
