I want to make a zoo with you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I smell like Dick and happiness
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
