got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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