I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
More tranny stories later!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
