that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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